Forgiveness

Forgiving another for anything that has happened can be very hard. Whether what caused you pain was large or small, what matters is that it caused YOU pain. You then have to step back, look at what happened and find a way to make peace with it. And you are not necessarily forgiving that person for the sake of that person, but for your own well being. When you forgive another, you tell them that the situation that occurred is not going to rule any part of you. You will not allow that to damage your own peace, happiness and bring in negativity. That is what is important about forgiveness!

I've had to go through this lesson a few times in my life. And many times I have not allowed myself to fully forgive. The first real occurrence of this was in my early 20's, when my then fiance of 5 years walked out a couple months before our wedding. He called off our relationship by phone, and I never heard from him again. To say I was hurt would be a huge understatement. I was hurt, confused, and completely torn apart. I was angry as well. The problem is, I let that anger eat at me. With that hurt and anger, I allowed myself to do things that I never would have allowed. I hated not just him, but myself. I found fault, because why would he leave like that, if I did not have a problem. I didn't allow myself to forgive him. Not that he ever seeked my forgiveness. But in my head and heart I felt he didn't deserve my forgiveness. I kept that anger and hurt with  me for almost 15 years! FIFTEEN YEARS! I allowed that pain and that man, to own a part of me. What I never noticed was that not allowing myself to forgive, I never allowed myself to move on past it fully. I kept telling myself it didn't matter anymore, but it was still there. It ate apart many relationships and at my last marriage. I sought out relationships trying to regain what I had. Was it the relationship from before I was seeking. No. I was looking for that inner peace I had before I allowed that anger and hurt in my heart. Then when something went wrong in my marriage, I would throw out that he would just leave like the last guy did. It wasn't fair to my ex-husband, nor myself! I realized what I was doing to him and myself, and turned away from him. I just hope that he can forgive me, so that he does not have to learn this valuable lesson so much later in life!

That said, I have finally allowed myself to find that forgiveness. Not for him. Who knows what he is doing in life. But for myself! What he did to me, happened. It is a part of me. But I no longer hold that hurt, that anger, that soul crushing life altering affect. I am re-married and I don't hold that past against him. When something goes wrong, it is what happened between the two of us. He's not being punished for the past. I have found that peace. I can be happy!! That is what is important!

This lesson taught me a huge lesson. One that I now take with me. I have used it in many aspects. From when family, friends or anyone does anything that seems to hurt. Such as when my husband and I get in a disagreement, we work through it, and I forgive it. That means it doesn't cause a continued bruise, strain or upheaval in our relationship. Think of it as a small cut that is covered with clothing in an area that is constantly  moving. What would happen if that cut is not healed prior to the clothing being added, a continued irritation and the wound getting larger. Forgiveness is that healing moment that means the wound will not get irritated and larger! Forgiveness is not for others. Forgiveness is for you.

Green Man

The Green Man has thoroughly blessed my garden and yard this year! I have to remember to sit and thank and honor him and his workers for all that they do all year long.

My garden is in full bloom here in upstate NY. I have a pepper formed and growing, with flowers on the rest. My tomatoes are full of flowers, Yellow squash growing off the flowers, and flowers on my pumpkins, peas and beans. The eggplant are getting bigger. The only items from my veggie garden that are having any issues are the corn and my watermelon. The dogs keep digging up the watermelon, and something has been ripping up my corn! But everything else is doing great, and it has me excited. I also have a ton of raspberries!

Add to it my flowers are doing great. My white wild rose bush has bloomed and now the last of the petals are falling off. It was very beautiful in it's full bloom. My lily's are about to bloom. So it is great to just go out about the yard and witness the beauty of nature. The bountiful blessings of both edible and beauty is great, and I feel special knowing I get to sit and enjoy it all.

Summer Solstice Eve

The night before the summer solstice. An interesting night for me. I never fully know what to expect for the weather, so it always ends up changing what plans I put in place to honor mid-summer. A day to celebrate the Sun God in all his bright glory. The light has triumphed over the dark, be it ever so fleeting, and we reach the longest day and shortest night. Gardens are blooming and thriving from the heat and power of the Sun. But not only do we see and get to enjoy the power of the sun, but we see the glory of the Goddess, Mother Nature or Gaia. We get to see her grow with all her bounty. Thriving, with some love and nurturing. It shows us what we should be doing in our daily life. That is what makes this path so special to me. If you take time to witness what truly happens in nature, especially among the "uncivilized" or "unintelligent," we can see interactions and truly living.

So as we enter into this day. I'm looking forward to some of my own moments. I will honor the earth and all her glory. I will spend some time in my garden, seeing what is coming with the upcoming harvest. Working barefoot to enjoy feeling the earth and connecting. Feeling the energy and power of the Earth flowing up. Connecting!

The plans for the late afternoon and evening are even more connecting. My family and I will be hiking up into the mountains, and camping out. We have not plans to stay at a campground with many people. But heading into the state forest, along the hiking trails to, and camp along the lake. We will enjoy dinner by the fire and sit out by that for the evening. Once the little ones are in bed, I'll enjoy a night under the stars before curling in with my husband and kids in our tent. Listening to the night noises, only to awake to the sound of dawn, on the water in the woods. Now that....that sounds like a perfect way to honor the summer solstice!!

Blessings to all on this night! Hope you all have an enjoyable and magical Summer Solstice!!

Returning

I took a hiatus.... okay, I took a VERY LONG Hiatus. I had a lot going on in my personal life, and had to take a step back from this. I will say I missed it terribly. I never took a step back from my spiritually, but writing and putting that all down did. It's time to get back to my calling. I feel that teaching, sharing and learning with others is truly my spiritual calling! So, I am back to share! Looking to write more, and share what I have and am learning along the way.

Currently I'm sitting here with about 5 different books that I'm taking notes of different things. From Amber K's Coven Craft to Circle Round by Starhawk, Diane Baker and Anne Hill. I've signed my three kids up for a hearth in Spiral Scouts. So I'm trying to get that all squared away. Introducing the path, without directing it be their only path, has been an interesting idea. I was told that the only true religion was that of my Presbyterian Church growing up. I do not want to lead my children down the same road, as I feel that one's spiritual calling is a very personal matter. My calling finally lead me to where I am, where I know I am meant to be. I have never regretted following that call from the Goddess, and I look forward to watch my own little ones along their own path.

So that leads me back to here! It is time to expand myself, reach out to others and share.