Forgiveness

Forgiving another for anything that has happened can be very hard. Whether what caused you pain was large or small, what matters is that it caused YOU pain. You then have to step back, look at what happened and find a way to make peace with it. And you are not necessarily forgiving that person for the sake of that person, but for your own well being. When you forgive another, you tell them that the situation that occurred is not going to rule any part of you. You will not allow that to damage your own peace, happiness and bring in negativity. That is what is important about forgiveness!

I've had to go through this lesson a few times in my life. And many times I have not allowed myself to fully forgive. The first real occurrence of this was in my early 20's, when my then fiance of 5 years walked out a couple months before our wedding. He called off our relationship by phone, and I never heard from him again. To say I was hurt would be a huge understatement. I was hurt, confused, and completely torn apart. I was angry as well. The problem is, I let that anger eat at me. With that hurt and anger, I allowed myself to do things that I never would have allowed. I hated not just him, but myself. I found fault, because why would he leave like that, if I did not have a problem. I didn't allow myself to forgive him. Not that he ever seeked my forgiveness. But in my head and heart I felt he didn't deserve my forgiveness. I kept that anger and hurt with  me for almost 15 years! FIFTEEN YEARS! I allowed that pain and that man, to own a part of me. What I never noticed was that not allowing myself to forgive, I never allowed myself to move on past it fully. I kept telling myself it didn't matter anymore, but it was still there. It ate apart many relationships and at my last marriage. I sought out relationships trying to regain what I had. Was it the relationship from before I was seeking. No. I was looking for that inner peace I had before I allowed that anger and hurt in my heart. Then when something went wrong in my marriage, I would throw out that he would just leave like the last guy did. It wasn't fair to my ex-husband, nor myself! I realized what I was doing to him and myself, and turned away from him. I just hope that he can forgive me, so that he does not have to learn this valuable lesson so much later in life!

That said, I have finally allowed myself to find that forgiveness. Not for him. Who knows what he is doing in life. But for myself! What he did to me, happened. It is a part of me. But I no longer hold that hurt, that anger, that soul crushing life altering affect. I am re-married and I don't hold that past against him. When something goes wrong, it is what happened between the two of us. He's not being punished for the past. I have found that peace. I can be happy!! That is what is important!

This lesson taught me a huge lesson. One that I now take with me. I have used it in many aspects. From when family, friends or anyone does anything that seems to hurt. Such as when my husband and I get in a disagreement, we work through it, and I forgive it. That means it doesn't cause a continued bruise, strain or upheaval in our relationship. Think of it as a small cut that is covered with clothing in an area that is constantly  moving. What would happen if that cut is not healed prior to the clothing being added, a continued irritation and the wound getting larger. Forgiveness is that healing moment that means the wound will not get irritated and larger! Forgiveness is not for others. Forgiveness is for you.